this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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