You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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