We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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