Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
