i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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