I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
