I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ttyl tear gas
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
