you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
