3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize