I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
