i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
