I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
