I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
