I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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