idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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