You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
