We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
