Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My friends, they love my intelligence
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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