I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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