It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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