there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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