plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
