why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
