Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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