i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
