it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
