Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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