U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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