So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
