Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
