god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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