I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
