she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
