I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
