I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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