Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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