We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
