you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
did i just pee glitter
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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