if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nicole vs. Life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
