i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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