so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think i have herpe
just one?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
