Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
