You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
