So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
