Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
