Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
