I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize