You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
