We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
