I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
