Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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