absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
