Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
