Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
