I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize