take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
