We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
