I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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