Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
