Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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