When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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