just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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