Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
