I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
