So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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