Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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