i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
