you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
