okay pat passed out under dana's car
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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