This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
