I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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