this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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