dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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