i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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