I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize