we're blogging at a bar
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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