dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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