Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
