SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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