She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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