they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
