forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just pee around me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
