I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize