hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
