im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
