We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
