I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
