it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want a musical about memes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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