Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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