Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
