How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
